Ok let’s get everyone around here, please line up. The Ego? Check. The Selfish Ego? Check. The Selfless Ego? Check. We don’t have much time. Ok fuck let’s wrap things up.
Ok why do we write? Because we love it! Why do we love it? Because it gave us meaning! Why does it gave us meaning? Because it’s hard! Because it makes us happy! Because it’s what we deem to be one of the highest form of creativity! Because other selves has said that it’s valuable to them! Because we find happiness within their happiness! Because we are as humans are bound to do good things toward each other! “Bro, literally shut the fuck up.” The Selfish Ego nudges The Selfless Ego with a harsh remark, “I’m so tired of listening to your positivity on how humans are able to do good for the sake of doing good. This is literally like the seventh time this week. Do you even fucking remember what it leads you last time? Oh my god all of us have seen it coming from a mile away and you’ll say the dumbest shit like “Yeah, but what can really go wrong if its out of the intention of doing good?”” Not everyone as good as you and that’s that. Not everyone is as kind as the suicide prevention hotline. They are angels amongst men. We live in a world where the existence of the Selfish Ego is necesarry. Oh my God why do I even need to explain it to you? I mean you are right, maybe there couldn’t be much can go wrong if its out of the intention of doing good and it’s accounting mutual human understanding. But oh my god, get a grip sometimes, you are the self. You can’t operate this world being selfless all the time. People might make use of you! Not everyone has the same mind as you and that’s that. That’s even what she says! We don’t understand what it means but it could just be taken as face value “You’re too kind.”
“Bro, the selfless Ego is a BITCH! Did you see how he cries himself every night asking “Why can’t everyone just be good to each other and then there’ll be no conflicts…” Like I understand how he wants to shape the world for the better place for everyone and I don’t want to make him cry as much as he has cried. But can’t he just understand that war is inevitable? That humans are evil? Humans justifiy killing other people?” The Selfish Ego whispered to The Ego in which The Ego finds it to be somewhat true but also raises his eyebrows. “Ok you may be right, but I just feel his ideas are just too beautiful to ignore. What if what’s the kid saying is true? What if there is a scenario or a way to minimize human conflicts? What is through ideas and audios and videos complied poorly by us we can prevent suicide? What if we can prevent suicide from happening? Us, me and you! It’s hard but it sound so challenging and it’s the testimony of you as a character that you are able to do good for the sake of doing good!” The Selfish Ego finds pride, awesomeness, and happiness on the idea. The Selfish Ego and The Ego shakes their hands.
“What is the purpose of this meeting again?” Fear asks. “Oh My fucking god who invited her?! Oh my god I hate her so much but she just appears out of nowhere! Fine, if you really want to know. Is to minimize you and everything that comes with you! You and your faces of regret, despair, self-doubts!” The Ego shouted while shaking his hands. Fear is shaking her head with confusion and says “But isn’t that just impossible? Regret always comes last. Regret is hindsight.” The Ego holds Fear mouth and say “Yeah but what’s the point of regretting things that you loved doing? You’ll live life knowing you’ve been doing the things you love. In which those things are not only engrained within myself but also within other people.” Fear detaches The Ego hands from her soft cheeks and say “So you really believe that if you lived doing the things you loved you will simply not have regrets? How do you even know you’ve been doing the things you loved?” The Ego holds Fear by the shoulder and shows the scapes of imagination of best assumptions carved by The Ego and say “Because I can measure the value of the things I have created. Take a look at these beautiful comments that other humans have given me on how much they are grateful for my existence, literally what can be more beautiful than hearing those words coming out from other people? Knowing you’ve lived your life as a useful human being. What’s left to regret?” Fear was surprised and detaches The Ego hand’s from her shoulder for the second time. “What the actual fuck? How can you have so positive outlook on life? That sounds almost illegal for humans! You live out of fear! You live out of fear of going to hell!” The Ego and everyone in the room stood silent and then The Ego proceed to say “Hey, we don’t say that word around here. We are here out of love, passion, and kindness. At least all of us in the room believes in happiness to be engrained in meaning in which meaning is a function of the ability to serve something from a skill that is valuable not only to the self but also for other people. Hell may exists or it may not but it sure do is not the reason why we do the things we do, at least for everyone here in the room.
“That is just too positive! Too optimistic! What is this sun-gleaming cringe aura of self-rightneousness I am getting!” Fear covers her face while crying like a BITCH. “Ah it seems that we have been talking to The Selfless Ego for too long.” The Selfish Ego speaks. “Ah can’t help it. It’s a beautiful idea to begin with. I think The Selfless Ego is right. We will spend the remainder our life trying our best to prevent suicide from happending and while providing value through our programming skils. We lives as human and might as well be remembered as a useful human being through art and oh my god it has been so fun making it. It’s easily obtainable as I only need a laptop and its mood agnostic and it can literally be done any time. Plus the process of showing it to other people is incredibly fun. It grounds so many meaningful memories and yes you can’t just show it to anyone as much as you want to shove it to them. Therefore the medium must be actually good. Not everyone likes reading.” The Ego shrugs while explaining.
“So what is the purpose of this meeting?” Fears asks again. “We’re doing a pulse check. It’s a strategy that we adopted from our company. It’s pretty funny on how the company arranges these pulse check survey to keep inline every of its employees are you know, not depressed. I just happen to realize that’s basically meditating but corporate! And the self is pretty much as complex as a consultant company. The complex with its selfishness and selflessness and sometimes they talk like batshit crazy not knowing what they want out of life and yapping about “Oh what is the meaning of life?” and shit like “Fuck I regret doing that” or “Fuck I really really wish I haven’t done that” and “Oh my God, I have unresolved internal conflicts and dialogues with these people and its making me sad.” You know? Universal human feelings? Clearly Fear, you are just an emotion, you won’t understand being human and the difficulties that comes with it.” The Ego stares down at Fear with a remark of disrespect.
“You know I’ll always found you right?” Fear asks with her puppy eyes. “I don’t know. Quite frankly. These days have been nice where i don’t even feel your presence. I just spend days within days being so immersed with my art. I know it has value to me and so well to other people. I literally have no time for regrets.” The Ego explains while trying his best not too look at her puppy eyes.
“Wow talk about raging ex behavior” The Selfless Ego wants to start a gossip with The Selfish Ego. “Yeah those two have long history together, The Ego is batshit crazy sometimes, do you remember how he was in 2021? When he has a meltdown on how he thought his decisions were always driven out of Fear? How he rambles about how much he regret his decisions and can no longer trust himself making anymore decision in life and just wants to kill himself? He was as bleak as ever. And Fear just kept bringing her cousins like “Self Hate”, “Self Doubt”, “Regret”, “Despair”, “Agony”, and shit like that. Bro he spends way too much time cooped up alone in his room listening to different faces of Fear in 2021 and now he wants to put a cape on himself and say “Fear you have quite distrubed a lot of human harmonies, if there is anything more that I want out of life is to kill you and all of your faces as much as I possibly could.” The Selfish Ego explains to The Selfless Ego since with concern.
“Yeah but isn’t Fear is practically undetachable from the human experience? such things like regret?” The Selfless Ego sasks. “Yeah but that’s what makes the whole thing interesting. That’s what makes the humans, human.” The Selfish Ego answers as if expecting The Selfless Ego to already know. The Selfless Ego in return asks again “Ahh Okay, so what really is The Ego doing right now?”
He’s just figuring things out. He makes best assumptions on what’s the point of being human, the whole point of being alive thing. I mean I kind of understand where he was coming from. He’s always faced with The Absurd. He has this constant struggle of alienation with all the things that come with his depression and the desire to you know, not kill himself. I wouldn’t say it mentally unstable but rather he finds meaning to be waaay to serious than most people I see. It was so comical to see him recently when He looked back to the days when he has his depression and says “Fuck, what is this feeling? I feel like I’m drowning all the time, gasping for air. Something hurts inside my chest yet I can’t scratch it out. Why do I lose interest at the things I used to love doing? Why can’t I enjoy the things I used to enjoy doing? This doesn’t make sense! This doesn’t ever make sense! Is everyone feeling the same things that I am feeling? Tomorrow is just going to be more day bearing more pain! How can people live like this? Is it just because they have things that they look forward to and I dont?” He was so crazy and then he just realized when he talked to his friends just to find out that the reason why they don’t kill themselves is not because everyone knows what they out of want out of life rather they actually care about the people they have in life. Having people that cares about you is one thing but knowing what you want out of life is another and sometimes it requires your whole life figuring it out. He went batshit crazy and just screams “FUUUUCK, the meaning of life is something that you write on your own! He went batshit crazy and grabbed a fountain pen and literally write about the meaning of life literally every fucking day. It’s so fun seeing him goes batshit crazy writing things as he immersed himself to his writing every day and he deeply fucking cares about his writing. As much the whole perpetual cycle of value creation between humans narrative thing.
Yet he needs to balance himself between states of experiencing, learning, and writing. In which learning is the state of when he is at work, experiencing is a state of when he’s interacting with other people, and writing is when he actually takes time to coherently put his thoughts into words and that’s quite frankly is actually the hardest part because it requires hardcore self-reflection. And now fella is having an existential crisis on how much he believes the best value that he can create is through becoming a machine learning engineer. Bro is having a math-lover phase. I mean his art is fucking sick to be honest. He kept rambling on how much he wants to show “Things” to other people that they have never seen. Stories that they never hear, and make them experience stories that make them questioned that if they have ever hear language being used in a certain way.
He’s the perfect form of irony. His friends think he’s smart yet he spends his whole life thinking he isn’t. That’s why he writes. But that’s the beautiful thing about writing and capturing human emotions on a creative landscape. He loves writing and there’s nothing we can do about it. For if we take away his love for writing we take away his live. His act of writing is also an act towards self-reflection and self-actualization. He just wants to be a useful human being that’s all.
The Ego stood up and says “Fuck you guys, anyway let’s keep it simple, we will continue writing. The ultimate form will be on the fiction stories. The fiction stories will always be an emergent property. Don’t be depressed if you don’t know how to write your new fiction stories because it’s creativity and even the thing you want to convey is an emergent property. It comes out of your experiences. As much as you creatively narrate the stories of the artist with its frustration that it kills “The Absurd” in which he tores the face of “The Absurd” as it creates meaning. It’s a really wonderful and powerful story. It’s hard to bend around meaning and through fiction stories that are enjoyable for people, I really believe it’s the best way. You also need to have standards for your own writing. Ok if you really want like categories
First category is called “First Phase” like “The Joy” as pure thesis or essay about humans happiness states, the selfless, the state, the moment, the leader, the awe, was all amazing pieces that was driven from raw desire to write. In which knowledge is combined from observed experiences.
Second Phase is IMAGINATION. Actually consciously thinking of scenarios on how you have meaning that you want to deliver than it is transcribed into stories of 3 seperate arcs in which major theme is covered and the message is delivered in 10k characters hopefully.
This makes perfect sense because The Regret is an amazing piece and it can’t be written without The Character, The Selfless, The Art, The Bias. Like the whole of message being able to create meaning out of the unmeaningful circumstances is basically the bread and butter of “The Art”.
And you will most probably going to spend a lot of time writing a lot of First Phase categories anyway and it will have a lot of information gathering. This doesn’t mean you are allowed to write incoherent thoughts! You must actually make it coherent for people! Yeah yeah that makes perfect sense.
Ok I leave it to you how you’d balance between audio making and listening to them and asking people to listen. Generally the sooner you upload it to youtube the better to be honest. Because feedbacks and critics would be nice. You’ll need to dedicate one writing about that decision to youtube that you can’t do it for money by the way. Bro, remember what schaupenhaur says! If anything, money is just going to get you anxious about your arts. Youre doing your art for the sake of doing the art but since we have become Homo Economicus, it will give you anxieties and it will ruin the performance of the whole art thing. Or maybe it’ll make you love even more! Needs time to think about it! You need to dig in more