I feel a lingering dissatisfaction at times. Some thing that I have not yet fulfilled. I don't know if it's normal, but I have been talking about this in prior articles from time to time. The earliest was from The Heaven:
Why is heaven or anything at all, for happiness, is portrayed something to be obtained? Something to fight for, something that is outside ourselves, something that is not a walk distance to achieve, something that is not as easy as enjoying the change of day to night.
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Some time ago I’ve experienced a moment in my life when I could bravely say that the point of the majority of time was to make as much money in the shortest time possible or be as efficient as one could ever be, be the superhuman and outperform everyone. I couldn’t say at that time of my life that I wasn’t happy. I was happy but my happiness was always ever fleeting. In it’s nature it’s precarious, fleeting, and can be easily exhausted. I could even say in hindsight it’s ever fleeting and the temporariness of the external happiness is not true happiness. It requires conditions to be met and I will not ever be satisfied when I’m only with myself, I don’t even feel like I know myself anymore.
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But I guess if there’s anything that I wish I could say to my past self is that I would grab him by the shoulder and say “seek something that is crazily easily obtainable, not something that is years away, not something that is uncertain and fleeting. Something that you could look forward every fucking day, something so simple you could just reach it, you could even imagine doing it right fucking now. Something that satisfies you, not something that other people expected you to do, do something for the sake of you want it not out of something folly and uncertain or worse something that makes you feel anxious. Life shouldn’t be something you fear of, life should be something that you could look forward to, and that something is something you could look forward to every single day, and you will be happy doing it every single day of your life, you will enjoy every single day of your life.
It speaks of the theme of the general sense of fulfillment to be something that is reachable by the hand, not something that is grandeur of a state that is years or miles away. While there is nothing bad about dreaming of a long journey that is fun to take part of. As The Moment explains it:
I’m a future maximalist. I constantly live in the future as the I let the imagination that lives in the future give soul to my present self. Without constantly thinking about the future I can’t navigate my present. I will be left confused and wandering lifelessly. I need to get a grip every now and then and to think “Is this what I really want?” I’m a heavily intense person when it comes to meaning and human relationships.
I’m a future maximalist. I constantly intertwine my future self to my present self. I believe meaning is a function from the future that is passed down to the present in which enables me to love writing and takes time in writing. Because I know my purpose in writing is to better understand myself, immortalize my thoughts, and to take a trip down memory lane full of meaningful ideas. As how you quote yourself back in 2022: “I write this because I fucking need to. If there’s any regret that I have in my life, is that I wish I couldve write more. Life feels too short sometimes”
I think it's nice to have a general understanding or best assumption towards the future, but the future is just an outline. An outline can be changed as the nature of "best understanding" is everchanging. It is true that the "dream" that is a function from the future is the one that gives some sense of soul in the present. The outcome of having "emotions" and "desires". We don't need to think about the future CONSTANTLY, we only need to think about it couple of times, it serves as an outline, the soul and the emphasis of the flow that exists in the NOW remains in the NOW. The very act of enjoying and happiness that one is doing out of its own conviction.
Distilling short term goals from long term goals mean, justifying the act of the short term goals to the point that is enjoyable and is good for the long term goals. You don't force yourself to eat shards of glass in the present just for the sake of the future. The future just bent the shard of glass to be mangoes as without the future the mangoes will be shard of glass. This is a metaphor that you are literally taking a hard road. You are the person who have big dream and with big dreams come big risks. With big risks, it needs to come with big conviction.
Since the general "vibe" among the trend is to think about the new years resolution. I think it's complete sham and waste of time, it shouldn't be a long list of resolutions, it should just be as simple as the state you want this year, how tomorrow can help you achieve that step. If there's nothing that you want to change, then nothing needs to change, if there's some things that can be done tomorrow that takes you closer to the state you want this year, then you know what to do and doing that will make you happy. Remember the goal here is to (quoting myself from 2022 again for emphasis):
Seek something that is crazily easily obtainable, not something that is years away, not something that is uncertain and fleeting. Something that you could look forward every fucking day, something so simple you could just reach it, you could even imagine doing it right fucking now. Something that satisfies you, not something that other people expected you to do, do something for the sake of you want it not out of something folly and uncertain or worse something that makes you feel anxious. Life shouldn’t be something you fear of, life should be something that you could look forward to, and that something is something you could look forward to every single day, and you will be happy doing it every single day of your life, you will enjoy every single day of your life.
Because the thing with time complexity is that complexity will grow over time and its much easier to be anxious over longer period of time of goals. Just keep it simple, keep it between you and tomorrow.
I mean, if you know what you want to do by tomorrow, the things you want to do by tomorrow should have value because it carries value that lives in the longer timeframe outline. But still by the nature of tomorrow, it's much more certain and controllable.
As what you said on your instagram close friend story of these line of thoughts:
"I thought about of having a new year's resolution, but 365 days seem like a very long time, and ever since I love writing, maybe my new year's resolution would to have 365 articles." Only after several seconds, you had an ephiphany: "What the fuck is the point of the goal of having 365 articles? If the focus is so wired in and the large and hefty number of three hundred fucking sixty five articles? The burden of expectations just going to collapse within yourself and you may like writing less just because of the 365 pressures. Might as well forget about it and just enjoy today and tomorrow. You already put on The Mental State that there are at least 3 articles alongside the details of what you want to write. That should be good enough. Rememember man,
"Life shouldn’t be something you fear of, life should be something that you could look forward to, and that something is something you could look forward to every single day."
Truly that version of me from September 2022 is really a wise one. I felt a strange awkwardness that I grow distant from the person who wrote that beautiful line of thoughts. Truly grateful I wrote that as I relate so much to it now.