I found myself at the edge of the road, a remedy that I used to do often, at least 4 times a week, 2 to 3 years ago. I found the activity so relaxing. I don't usually do it as I used to be so busy when my startup was alive, occupying myself with things until it dies. I must say that I feel lonely at times, overflowing sense of emotions with no one that I trust that I think would want to listen, everyone seems occupied with their own things as I used to be occupied myself. At the edge of the road I could wind down and just listen to my mind, almost as if drifting itself yet its thoughts are capturable in a sense.
Money, Rationale, and Feelings/Emotions as sense of Decision Making
I used to feel 'I'm so tired of thinking about money, but I must think about money, any sane person here at least think about money, careers, and how to get their life afloat with money. I just want to stand here at the edge of the road unbothered.' I see cars and motorcycles pass me by, 'everyone in a sense, have somewhere they need to go, yet I don't know where I'm supposed to go. These were the line of thoughts that often passed in my head 3 to 2 years ago.
I feel that life is absurd, but when I think about it, only sad people think life is absurd. This is where I propose there's a function that produces a line into which one can make itself think that life is absurd. The important components are the very essence of what makes us 'alive' (at least semantically) are emotions and thoughts/rationality/cognition.
The decisions that we do are supported by emotions, from emotions everything become something of 'matter'/valuable. Only through emotions, everything becomes meaningful and everything is meaningess with the lack of emotions. Rationality comes second of importance when it comes to value. The 'intoxication of emotions' phenomena proves itself that 'emotions' remains to hold the outmost grasp when it comes to value, not rationality. Humans are not cold blooded optimizer rationality maximalist.
If we were to hold high the premise that what serves human apart in terms of biological attributes among other animals, that is the power of rationality and cognition, then it goes as far as saying that we would like to optimize every thing in our path in life. But this is just nothing but a Fata Morgana, because virtually sharpening perfection through optimization is impossible.
Rather, the problem is with the model being used by economists, a model that replaces homo sapiens with a fictional creature called homo economicus, which I like to call an Econ for short. Compared to this fictional world of Econs, Humans do a lot of misbehaving, and that means that economic models make a lot of bad predictions, predictions that can have much more serious consequences than upsetting a group of students.
To simplify somewhat, we can say that Optimization + Equilibrium = Economics. This is a powerful combination, nothing that other social sciences can match. There is, however, a problem: the premises on which economic theory rests are flawed. First, the optimization problems that ordinary people confront are often too hard for them to solve, or even come close to solving. Even a trip to a decent-sized grocery store offers a shopper millions of combinations of items that are within the family’s budget. Does the family really choose the best one?
And, of course, we face many much harder problems than a trip to the store, such as choosing a career, mortgage, or spouse. Given the failure rates we observe in all of these domains, it would be hard to defend the view that all such choices are optimal.
An Econ would also not expect a gift on the day of the year in which she happened to get married, or be born. What possible difference can a date make? In fact, Econs would be perplexed by the entire idea of gifts. An Econ would know that cash is the best possible gift; it allows the recipient to buy whatever is optimal. But unless you are married to an economist, I don’t advise giving cash on your next “anniversary. Come to think of it, even if your spouse is an economist, this is probably not a great idea.
You know, and I know, that we do not live in a world of Econs. We live in a world of Humans. And since most economists are also human, they also know that they do not live in a world of Econs.
Misbehaving: The Making of Behavioral Economics
The chase to imperfection, is a flawed chase, because I truly believe if one is not content to the fact that the meaning of the word 'perfect' is just a mean to explain a metaphor, one can intoxicate itself chasing a Fata Morgana, it appears ever so real in the eyes, but it's never real enough to feel it happening. A 'perfect' state in life will always be occupied with flaws, people just choose to be content with the flaws existing, thus the word 'perfect' does not exist in this world.
Thus, in the very least, rationality and emotions, when it's impaired, it became symbolically closer to the word 'imperfection', in this context 'an imperfect human being.' Yet still, the anniversary gift metaphor, when one chooses meticulously for the 'perfect' gift, even it can be 100% optimized as the other can 'comply' and 'accept' the value that came from thought while may not be the most 'optimized gift' still out of coming rationality not pure emotions, and thus it is the perfect condition while imperfection still lies beneath.
Life
Life exist as a system that expands energy to maintain itself and it is selected to get better at doing that exact thing.
It causes itself to exist and in doing so becomes more involved in causing itself to exist.
Spinal Catastrophism
This is very true and basic, falls under 'truism' (a statement that is obviously true and says nothing new or interesting), if i must say. In certain aspects of life, it is undebatedly true that we cannot exist without the existence of something to eat in which that is refined out of the very essence we need our macro nutritiens from animals, and animals inevitably rolled down in the food chain all the way to plants, that synthesizes something of 'energy' out of sunlight, in which we synthesize something of 'energy' to fuel our thought and 'will' out of our 'macrontutritients'
Mitochondria as the powerhouse of ANY LIVING CELL is as the word 'truism' as true as it can gets. It is true yet I think it's underappreciated, the meaning of it. On how it implies that we are in essence, try our best to seperate between organic matter and inorganic matter, just to find ourselves the intertwine of all of it, from the ever seemingly dead/inorganic compounds or even the fear of 'coming towards death and annihiliation of the self into becoming skulls of calciums and as our flesh and meat gone through decompositon to become minerals for micronutrtients to rejuvenize the soil.
Leibniz's introduced the idea of continuinty following his success with infantism and differential calculus, applying the same logic of indivisibility to natural substances. He in essence biologized infinity, including all of the universe in a scoping domain of life. To him, there was no inorganic matter. Life and death are changes of form, not of nature.
To extrapolate the meaning of this sentence 'Life exist as a system that expands energy to maintain itself and it is selected to get better at doing that exact thing, It causes itself to exist and in doing so becomes more involved in causing itself to exist.'
It ontologically (in a way that relates to ontology (= the study of what it means to exist)) means, in order for A THING to have meaning to exist, at least in very essence it is a necessity for THE THING to exist out of prior selection that occurs before its existence, to expands energy to maintain itself.
For the word 'meaning' is purely semantic (relating to meaning in language or logic.) and unique of those of a human. Apart from human context, to some extent, all animals (apart of the humans) that inevitably engage in the food chain, is unremorsefully (a lack of deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed) comitting the act for the sake of fuliflling it needs for energy.
Animals undoubtedly evolve. From wolf packs to of overly domesticated dogs to the point that it formed itself a breathing problem such as of the pugs. Speciation sometimes create problems posessed by those of the bearer, the great of example is the article that explains precisely 'deformation' from 'speciation' occurs such as of the pugs:
To an underlying 'biologically and virologically justifiable' reason in which why polygamy is normal among cheetah:
And to the reason why despite we have put a man on the moon, create reusable rockets, and create atomic bombs that could end civilization as we know it, we still havent found a cure for 'cold flu':
And as the Rhinovirus continues to mutates, it does so with zero remorse to the host, the mutation occurs purely out of the sake of 'continuing existing', and that is to expand energy, and it does so, so it can get better at surviving.
A Sense of Time and Thus Urgency and Importance
The circadian cycle is responsible for giving animals a sense of time but the chrono receptivity of that animal varies with the depth of its neural structures. These structures are made more complex by further retreating with into the structure, creating a better simulation of the outside world.
There's a 'trippy' thing when it comes to 'time' (always), one of it is I researched several articles and one peaked my interest as I quote 'Perception of Daily Time: Insights from the Fruit Flies, NCBI 2022'
The ability to perform time-dependent functions has been linked to survival in animals. For a prey, to forage when many predators are active, can be deadly. Performing the right task at the right time is dependent on the animal’s ability to track daily time. Perception of time in the animal kingdom dates long back on the evolutionary time-scale. From the unicellular prokaryotes to humans; we all tune our physiology and behaviours according to the time of the day.
We create mental maps of the space that surrounds us; our brains also compute time—in particular, the time of day. Visual, thermal, social, and other cues tune the clock-like timekeeper. Consequently, the internal clock synchronizes with the external day-night cycles. In fact, daylength itself varies, causing the change of seasons and forcing our brain clock to accommodate layers of plasticity. However, the core of the clock, i.e., its molecular underpinnings, are highly resistant to perturbations, while the way animals adapt to the daily and annual time shows tremendous biological diversity. How can this be achieved? In this review, we will focus on 75 pairs of clock neurons in the Drosophila brain to understand how a small neural network perceives and responds to the time of the day, and the time of the year.
For example, in terms of a strategy for survival, it is intuitive that a prey needs to be able to predict the foraging timing of its potential predator(s) rather than just possessing the ability to take action while it has already encountered the predator. In fact, maintenance of an internal temporal order, i.e., segregating interfering biochemical processes and clubbing together interdependent biochemical processes is thought to be the main driving factor behind the evolution of the circadian clock.
Drosophila has around 150 neurons in the brain which are defined as ‘clock neurons’, as each of them possesses a molecular oscillator.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, if Life exist as a system that expands energy to maintain itself and it is selected to get better at doing that exact thing. And a Being is gratified out of the fact it survives in life in which mutation along randomly occurs to breed something radical enough that a speciation occurs where a changing or rather more challenging environment occurs that gratifies speciation, then along the lines of the expansion of 'survavibility' comes itself the need of 'spacetime awareness' as a biological function supported by the structure of those of 'evermore intricate sets of neurons and physiological affect' that sustains the being survival.
I guess it is true that it is very hard for us to pin down to the exact moment in time where our understanding of 'spacetime' complexity conjucted (bound in close association; conjoined; combined; united) to our 'chrono receptivity' (time receptiveness) to our biological sense sort of 'space lifted' to the moment that we are too distinct to other animals, yet we posess a lot of similiar attributes that we understand 'time' much better while still arriving out of the sustenance of biological orderly that helped us to this very point. As we can observe disruption of time awarness in 'mental patients'. As I quote the article Time experience in patients with schizophrenia and affective disorders, Eur Psychiatry, Germany, 2022:
Everything is in time. All internal and external events are organized in time for humans and are experienced and arranged by them as before/after or in the past, present, or future. Changes in this time experience have been a recurring theme in the psychiatric literature [1]. In older, more phenomenological works, subjective changes in the sense of an altered feeling of time (“time becomes slow”) were reported; in studies of recent years, empirical research approaches regarding restrictions of so-called objective time perception have dominated [2,3]. Besides that, it was repeatedly found that basal temporal processing, is only changed in organic brain illnesses and objective perception of time is changed more in patients with schizophrenia than in those with depression, whereas the subjective feeling of time is disturbed in many psychiatric illnesses [1].
As a theoretical explanatory model for the measured effects of the altered time perception, reference is again made to the model of the “inner clock” by Treismann [12] which focus especially on duration evaluation: “In patients with schizophrenia, this inner clock is accelerated so that more impulses are registered per time interval, which leads to a temporally prolonged perception of the interval. This acceleration thus manifests itself in a greater variability and overestimation of the duration.”
Interestingly, the serotonergic and the dopaminergic system, which was more in the focus concerning temporal processing so far, is closely intertangled with the lead by the oldest neurotransmitter [14]. Besides serotonin and dopamine, there are definitively several further neurotransmitters being involved in such a complex issue as time processing.
To be honest, all articles that I found is far from understanding the concept holistically, yet we can find the the increasingly apparent of the fact that 'perception of time is something that is sustained by biological orderly'.
Standing in Stratification
I've been talking throughout this article the condition of life, on how evolution comes into play in bending the rules of life and its biologically sentient being into perception of time and survival, and most importantly on how 'biological order' that gratifies survival, is in of itself, rewarding the being to the joy of life. Yet through the interplay of the word that 'nothing is perfect' so does the human being.
The human being is not a perfect being, if it were, then no one would confess that it dislike being a human being and kill itself. Yet through our imperfection, despite the complexities of our biological machineries to the secretion of dopamine that made us able to feel and the lack thereof it disrupts our ability to concieve time, our straticative measures (the arrangement or classification of something into different groups) is out of the observation that we are the only animal that stands on its two feet. The ever apparent biological symbolism that seperates ourselves as an animal species from our counterparts.
We may not know or never know why we stand, yet we stand.
It is because we can stand that we can fall, and because we stand for ourselves falling is our fault, and it is precisely that self accountability that first forces us to produce the techincal prostheses that unleash our power over the globe
It is because we stand, that we can fall. It is only because we were able to reach a higher level of understanding that we're capable of falling back down into the animal instict, we elevated ourselves above the animal level to the rational level of existence, and because we stand for ourselves that falling is our fault. We are capable of preventing ourselves from falling back down through the structure, and its precisely that self accountability that first forces us to produce the technical prosthesis that unleash our power over the globe. Because we want to prevent ourselves from falling back down into those previous stages, we produce the structures necesarry to keep ourselves in line. Religion, civilziation, community, accountability, these structures keep us in line, that way we do not fall back down that way we do not fall back down to the animal level, and because these structures allow us to succeed, we want the structures to succeed, which means they need to spread, and because those structures need spread, they spread around the entire globe and with every step that we take to spread that structure, that structure becomes better at allowing us to spread the structure. We become more involved in life, the more involved we are.
In comparison to animals, our anatomy, is a bit of a paradox. Our upright gait, that 'special morphological position' is the central feature of the peculiar human bodily structure. Expressing the fact that our species is characterized by deficiencies and lack of adaptations.
And yet, such an inheritance of underdetermination is not only an endowment of plasticity, but precisely also a summons to action.. his very body presents a problem and challenge to him... he is spurred to develop an attitude towards.. and make something of himself..
Facing a real chance of perishing, man is ultimately an anticipatory being.
All of those quotes are a combination of a book and a video essay summarizing the book called Spinal Catastrophism, is one of the most beautiful line of thoughts that I have ever gotten the pleasure of reading.
We didn't chose to live, yet we live and we stand. We didn't chose the complexities and struggles that life brings to us, yet we stand. We didn't get to chose the ability to reason, time perception, urgencies, and thoughts pilling on us to the point that it has become a spiral abyss of madness out of the very essence of what humans special, the specialness of thought, yet all of these problems arising from our neocortex that pushes one to annihiliate itself, its definitely a part of the imperfect biological orderly.
By the edge of the road I curse myself for having certain thoughts that breeds 'anxiety', I wish time could feel so slow and sometimes so fast, yet through understanding I began to see that when life feels so fast and the chaoticness begs no reason for one's pain and suffering, life simply spits you in the face and walk away after giving you a brutal punchdown.
I guess what I've been trying to do by standing at the edge of the road is to feel for a split moment to be in the now and see people come and go with their vehicles and be somewhat calm out of the sense of it.
By the edge of the road I bless myself and spoke to myself as I write the article 'The Heaven' as soon as I get back home and say
As I walk while gazing how beautiful the full moon is, I think to myself and thought of the most beautiful thing I could say “If heaven were to be the exact thing as my current life, I would be so happy.” Something that I would never think of for so long, not even as long as I’ve lived. Never in a moment that I feel that I would say that.
Why is heaven or anything at all, for happiness, is portrayed something to be obtained? Something to fight for, something that is outside ourselves, something that is not a walk distance to achieve, something that is not as easy as enjoying the change of day to night.
As I began to wonder deeply, I began to realize the truthness of the sentence
Everything that matters to me matters in this world.
Through the departed broken hearts and broken hopes. To what it means to sought for optimism. To what it means to be happy. To self alienation that grows stronger as I can't familiarize myself to my sense of being. The ever occurence of suicide is truly the testament that we are no perfect biological beings, instead we are beings prone to neurosis that sustains itself out of the imperfections of our design.
The design that speaks that we were not made to be happy, but we were 'made' to simply be alive.
The nihilistic sentence that speaks with no need to create meaning out of its sentence, the pure fact that 'Life exist as a system that expands energy to maintain itself and it is selected to get better at doing that exact thing. It causes itself to exist and in doing so becomes more involved in causing itself to exist.'
Then it's only through ourselves as a biological agent that we are free to create meaning for meaning is only nothing but semantics.
Our survival in a pure biological sense is just animal that expands energy.
Fulfillment is semantics and personal to us, everything doesn't matter and matters at the same time depending on the eye of the beholder.
Life is a driving force that begs to reason, as much as a baby deer can't ask for a reason why his sister is taken away from him dragged to the mud by the hyenas and his mother is shot down by a hunter. Life gives and death takes, as much as we don't question the feelings of a chicken when it was alive before we eat it, then absurdities of our suffering may always be personally experienced by us with the forthcoming of its existence begs no reason.
I can't stress myself the fact out of the trippiness, that apparently, cognition is both the bliss and the curse in existence. We can live without cognition and be as equally as dumb of the apes in which the apes happiness and suffering may be limited comparatively to those of us that we come out with words such as existential burden and suffering.
Yet if we were to imagine to live with cognition but without emotions, we would be left with existential despair, to think but nothing to feel happy about, then suicide becomes justifiable because there is simply nothing happy about tomorrow as today will feel immortal as we lose our sense of time as we are drowned in suffering.
Self Fulfillment
Self Fulfillment is again a made up word, one of the most semantically strong word.
If everything doesn't matter, then why live? Because we know what gives us pleasure and what gives us displeasure. In between of these experiences of pleasure and displeasaure, is our 'meantime' of what we call life. Our life is what we make of it. We may not care as much if we ended up worshipping the right religion or the next door's neighbor religion is the right one, we do things because it has value to us. Through our experiences, we grasp a sense of 'value' in our activities. Value is often becoming more beautiful when it becomes of a 'shared value', a thing or activity that is not only valuable to us but also valuable for other people. It's as simple as.
A fucker could masturbate every waking hour that he humanely could, but an activity that only gives a sense of value solely to that of the individual, it'll feel empty.
There's no point of denying the fact that we are social creatures, so f social we revolve our life around the need of other people's existence. The irony of needing food through elaborate and meticulously designed supply chain systems to 'work' that engage ourselves to the system.
Self Fulfillment is brought out of the awareness that if 'The Self causes itself to exist and in doing so becomes more involved in causing itself to exist' to the point that the self understands that its existence is necesarry, for his existence irreplaceable.
He understands that his involvement in life has made him become essential to life itself, measured by the people around him that will feel 'as if it lost something' if he's gone.
This is as extrapolated as I can extrapolate out of the ever seemingly simple sentence. Out of the ever seemingly simple fact.
Then if we were to ask 'why does other people feel as if it lost something if he's gone?' Then it is to be measured because he provides something of value to those people. Even if its a sense of memory, a sense of belonging, or even a sense of anything remotely valuable that brings happiness and despair if he's gone, acclimated out of the fact that he has opt out in existing.
Such is the nature of life. This comes back to the article that I wrote in 11 Nov 2023, 'The Art' when I say:
In order for life to have meaning, I must believe that meaning is personal and inner, something that I created on my own, something that I assign meaning into it, but in that sense that thing or things must be inherently meaningless before I assign meaning into it, thus life is inherently meaningless. This idea was until now, my most important philosophy. I made art to prove that something that seemingly so random and chaotic could leave an impression on people that can be deemed “beautiful” or gave them a “beautiful experience”.
Then Life is to be seen as an art, displaying itself always as it is. Though from the eyes of the observer it could be beautiful or rather distateful, yet the art does not care of your opinion, it simply displays itself as it is.
Yet, different people have different challenging times, a death of a parent must be difficult, but still the occurence begs no inherent meaning, it simply happens, the occurence is always as it is, the meaning however its the obligation of the individual.
Yet, for future time, there's no inherent meaning in anything that could happen, yet we can choose what should happen, and that's the only something that has inherent meaning, because choosing what should happen for our future means we already register what is meaningful to us, for which it breeds beauty. As the canvas of life is painted to become something beautiful by your own very hand. From thought, to spine, to hand.